$18 million can't erase molested boy's pain
by RUBÉN ROSARIO
Pioneer Press
July 11, 2005
The crime was bad enough. The aftermath is much worse, however, for a young boy molested and allegedly sodomized by his grandfather, a retired farmer from Rogers, Minn.
How much worse? Even the record-setting $18 million in damages awarded the boy by a Minneapolis jury July 1 is little compensation for what this kid is going through.
And if you doubt that, read excerpts below from a 34-item list culled from the boy's psychological records.
The trauma this kid still endures should serve as another stark reminder that the most common, scariest and most destructive sex offender out there is not the demented stranger type we keep reading and seeing on the national news. It's someone related by blood.
"There's no doubt about that,'' said Konstandinos "Gus'' Nicklow, the lawyer who represented the boy and his parents. "Families are torn apart by it.''
The boy, now 9, was 6 years old when the assaults took place at the man's home during overnight visits.
His problems include:
- Anger and acting out. Bad dreams and concerns about "flesh-eating zombies.'' He had to live with a whistle and a cell phone to alleviate his fears.
- Having been called "gay" by other kids. He worries that people will be able to tell he was sexually abused when they look at him.
- Having to have his older brother check to make sure doors were locked and that his parents were alive. He struggles with feelings of shame. He misses the friends he left behind in Minnesota when his family moved out of the state for safety reasons.
- Making comments in the past about wishing he were dead. He has tried to choke himself. Suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. Has trouble accepting hugs and kisses from family members. Has referred to his grandfather as "the devil's helper."
The mother discovered the abuse accidentally after she heard her son and a playmate talking in the basement. The boy clammed up when asked what they were talking about. The mother asked the mother of the friend to inquire and call her.
She was stunned by what she was told: that the boys had discussed performing oral sex on each other.
A week later, the boy revealed the assaults and said he was afraid of telling because his paternal grandfather threatened to kill his parents, his older brother and the family dog, cut up the bodies and "bury us in a field," according to court documents.
The man, Arnold Joseph Dehn, admitted to molesting his grandson and was sentenced to one year in jail, with a 12-year prison term suspended if he doesn't violate 15 years of probation after his release. He also was ordered to undergo treatment and register as a sex offender.
Although the sentencing judge lambasted Dehn for destroying the family and the young boy's life, the victim's parents felt the criminal justice system let the boy down.
According to Nicklow, they decided to file a civil lawsuit after agonizing for months about the pros and cons of such an action.
At the trial, Dehn's attorney asked the jury to award the boy no more than $150,000. Nicklow, a member of the Meshbesher and Spence law firm who specializes in business litigation, also had taken on previous sex abuse cases. He knew how the crime had irreparably harmed the child and severed family ties forever. The boy's parents are separated largely because of what happened to their son.
"I asked for big money because of what the boy has gone through, but the amount was irrelevant," Nicklow said last week. "We'll never collect that amount. But this was all about the kid, so that one day he can look back and see that people believed him, that he got justice and that he had the power to hold the man accountable for what he did to him."
The mother, who is still reeling from the aftereffects of the abuse, the trial and an irreparably severed family, declined an interview. But through Nicklow, she offered her own wish list for her son.
"I want that he just learns not to be afraid," she said. "That he become happy again and be able to have a childhood, like any other normal kid. That he be able to develop and maintain friendships with other kids and not have any other kind of issues and concerns about what they might think of him." I hope this is the list that prevails.
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